Renee

What do you say about a life that touched so many and ended here on earth so abruptly? How do you explain the why behind it? What do you tell people that don't believe in God, much less a good, grace-filled, perfect God? How do you explain that we live in a world that is broken but God is still mighty and all-powerful? It's hard. Hard to explain. Hard to wrap your mind around. Hard to defend unless you have hope and believe in the goodness of God. That He make all things work together for the good of those who love Him. I have said a lot of "I don't knows," and a lot of "Right now, all we can do is pray and trust and pray and cry." And so we have - done a lot of crying, a lot of reflecting, a lot of talking and gathering close with our dear friends that shared the same loss. It's been hard and beautiful, if that's possible. We have loved and continue to love and spend time with Zach and Avery as they create a new life without their wife and momma.

So, sweet Renee, here's to you and your unique, relationship-filled, loving self. From those baby bottles you gave us to announce you were pregnant with Avery, the champagne you brought to announce you were going to have your second baby, and the trail mix cupcakes and the big reveal poster you brought on my birthday to announce Lacey's big news - you always knew how to make an announcement in style. For the stories that made us laugh so hard we cried - from your crazy 1st graders, your pregnancy woes and your everyday life, we were always entertained. Your love for your daughter was immense, and oh how you loved to dress her up. I'll never forget the multiple outfit changes she had at her 1st birthday party - only you. And your steadfast love for Zach - you picked a good one babe. And he has stepped up so much since you've been gone to make sure you are honored and that your baby girl is taken care of just how you would want. It has been a beautiful and hard thing to watch.

My birthday will always be marked with your death, but I will celebrate because I know that's what you'd want us to do. I'll never forget the long day at the hospital praying at your bedside, rubbing your legs and pleading with God to heal you. The men gathered around Zach who didn't want to be alone, the people flooded in with shock on their faces, your momma was her always sweet self making sure everyone else was ok in the middle of her own grief. The doctor said she'd never seen such an outpouring of people and support. We stayed until your parents and Zach walked out the hospital doors and back into this broken world we live in. They ran smack into their new reality. 

But even through all this pain and grief, God was there, and He could have healed you, but maybe he wanted others to be healed through Himself as they grieved you leaving this earth. I don't believe He causes these  bad things to happen, but He allows them. We won't know why this side of heaven, but we do know He is making good out of this. There are many who shifted their perspective on the shortness of life on earth, others who realized the petty arguments of marriage aren't worth it and still others who really started wondering and asking about our Heavenly Father. I believe there will be more people in heaven because of your death, and eternal life is worth far more than anything else. God is making good out of all this because He is good. 

I started looking back on blog posts and saw how much life we lived together. Here's a snapshot for my own memory and for those that want to look back on a beautiful person. 

• At Mary-Michael's baby shower
• one of my "Queen of Labor" trophy makers and the one who insisted Mary-Michael needed the large pink and green caterpillar in the last picture
• At my birthday celebration with Micah in your lap
• At Mary-Michael's baby dedication where you were pregnant with your own sweet Avery
• Adult Night Out in Williamsburg and you and Zach in one of my favorite pictures (carrot cake!)
• New Year's at our house with Dance Revolution!
• Weekend shopping trip to Baltimore
• You and sweet baby Avery
• Celebrating Frazier's impending arrival at Feathernesters
• Dinner at Ruth Chris and Christmas dinner at Lacey and David's with the other girls dinner friends
• Emily's baby shower for Karis and a picture of Avery at her 2nd birthday
• My unforgettable 30th birthday celebration
• Summertime fun with Avery

And from your celebration of life.

Red shoes for you, my friend!