A Retreat for One

If you ever doubt that there is a true, living God, I'd say book a trip to Africa. God is moving there, and they see it. They feel it. If you went, you would see it. Most in Africa don't have all the stuff to attempt to fill a place where only God can go. Some say Americans have let comfort, safety and security fill the void that only God can fill. We (because I'm guilty, too) have more concern and put more energy into our retirement plans and figuring out our next vacation. Neither of these is bad, but is that what we're truly living for?

This weekend I had an entire evening and night to myself. Me and God (and the smoke alarm that beeped until I found a battery). I protected the time and scheduled a Retreat for One (or two since I believe God was with me). I started with a walk and prayer. Prayer for revelation. Immediately, I was reminded that I care too much about what other people think. Even as I write about this, I wonder how you might label me or misunderstand what I'm writing. Geesh.

I know even after this sacred time alone with my Heavenly Father I won't be who I need to be, but I will praise God that I'm not where I used to be, and that He forgives me when I fall back into old habits I swore wouldn't happen again. Thank goodness for grace. I AM REDEEMED! Yes, I played this song often during my retreat. What freedom in this song!

It's a good thing I live in the country. Not just for the beautiful quietness that is necessary for an evening like this. But if I had any neighbors that could peer through the windows, they might think I was a tad bit crazy with my celebrating and praying with God and my singing as I walked up and down the driveway.

I want to be different today from who I was yesterday. I need to think long term and outside the box and outside MY PLAN. I need to be OPEN! I think nursing school, and I think expensive, time consuming, amazing service opportunity, flexible schedule, cumbersome health care reform, fulfilling a need where people are at their most desperate points. God doesn't say His will is easy and without challenge. My friend, Christian, reminded me that "sometimes feeling anxious about something is the way God wants you to feel because it forces you to rely fully on Him. And it teaches you to turn your anxiety into diligence." That's good stuff. And so many dreams are killed because we think too much and try to figure it all out on our own. We cannot see the future!

I read tonight that genuine faith and fear cannot coexist. God, I need more of you and less of me. Less worry and thought about trivial matters and more true living. Why do I question the all-powerful, infinite God? How do I doubt my loving Creator? In reality, I want to care more about grieving God by my decisions and lack of obedience, but that is hard. Some decisions are hard, but God says to trust Him. Some people are hard to love, but God says to love them any way. Some actions are hard to forgive, but God says to forgive always. 

I focused a lot on the Holy Spirit during this Retreat for One. How easily He is forgotten. In fact, I read the Forgotten God by Francis Chan to remind me of the Holy Spirit's awesomeness. So many of the things I have been asking God to help me with (patience, self-control, peace, etc.), the Holy Spirit gives to us. Remember the Scripture Mary-Michael recently memorized? I need more of the Holy Spirit for the fruits of the Spirit to dwell in me - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. 

By trying to figure out all of this on my own, I am not trusting God. I need to work like it depends on me (because it's not going to just happen without work on my part) and pray like it depends on God. Ephesians 2:10 says, "For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

And it's not that I need evidence of God, I just need experiences with God, and sometimes we have to make those happen. I am so thankful I had time to make that happen this weekend. God is dealing with me and the matters in my heart. I am so thankful.