My Sweet Visit with Leila

(written in the car ride back to the LOC right after my time with Leila)

I had a precious 2.5 hours with Leila. She was shy at first. Michael brought her over to me in his arms. Yes, she is still small enough to be carried pretty easily. And she's 8 or 9. I was nervous to go straight to her fearing the director would be unhappy I wasn't paying attention to the other children. I didn't want to jeopardize anything, and I know he is finicky and watching me given who I am. Once with me, I showed her the sticker book I brought for her.  It took her awhile to understand that I brought it for her. How quickly it disappeared from our hands into some other child's hands, so I had to hunt it down for her. Things don't remain your own for long when you're in a dirt poor orphanage with 70 other children. She clung on to it the rest of my visit. 

We sat and had 5 plus girls join us. I showed them pictures and videos on my camera and phone. They loved seeing videos of Mary-Michael and Frazier. We spent at least an hour decorating pages in the sticker book and painting nails. Leila and I now have the same polish on our toes.(and Mary-Michael, too; we painted hers like Leila's when I came home). Her poor feet showed the wear and tear of living in Africa and living under orphanage conditions. Dirt and cracks that shouldn't be allowed on feet so young. And her fingernails couldn't hide her malnutrition. Her teeth - I wonder if she even has been taught to brush her teeth. Oh, and my poor girl was so thin. Her wrists and arms thin as sticks. She is too thin again and so small for her age. She was so shy and reserved, but she clung to me. I could feel how life had been so hard for her. It broke my heart, but those 2.5 hours were precious to me. I can't tell you how thankful I am for that time. 

The kids tried to get me to jump in their "pool" which is a small concrete circle about 18" deep. I stuck my feet in and was very thankful they didn't push me! Suddenly about 12 kids jumped in. Leila and I jumped back and stood watching with our arms around each other. Her tiny little arms around my waist and mine around her thin shoulders.

We walked away after a bit to sit on the steps and work on the stickers again. We did a few subtraction games in the book and she got the answers correct (even through my terrible attempts at sign language). Awesome! I noticed she was a perfectionist like me with putting the sticker in the perfect place, moving it ever so slightly until she got it right. I chuckled at the irony of us sharing that characteristic.

Soon we had other children join us, including Manny, the sweet little boy Erica and Thomas are adopting. During this entire time, Michael, Dankarami, Edem and Paul (all from the LINK) are meeting with Poihn, Bruno and Sahie (all from Good Samaritan Orphanage). We could see them in a separate building. I wonder if they could see us loving on our children-in-waiting. I hope so. I hope it moved them.

Soon after the meeting concluded, all the men came out. Through Edem (the interpreter), we learned Poihn wanted to speak to us (the hopeful parents) and that he wanted to make sure we were evangelical Christians. He said he couldn't give his children to people he didn't know. He at least had to shake our hands. So, we moved to a shady spot - Leila still wrapped around me. Could he see how much I loved her? I wanted him to remember my face. Remember my love for her and see how she clung to me.

Poihn spoke to Thomas and Erica first. He told them that because of Michael whom he trusted he would allow the adoption. He said a few other things that were hopeful and good news! This was the nicest we'd seen or heard of him being. Then he turned to me. How much I wanted Geoff to be with me in that moment! So, he could see us together, a unit, a support, together parents for Leila. Edem shared that Geoff had been with Leila before because he'd come here with the LINK. I immediately pulled out the pictures I had of Geoff and I together and Geoff and Leila together. He smiled. Then he said Leila's adoption is possible and that I could be her mother!!! He is saying all of this in French, and Leila is hearing it, too (I learned she actually does know quite a bit of French). He said it wouldn't be easy (yes, we definitely know that), and that we can't take these 2 children to paradise and leave the rest of them in hell. We must not forget about the others. We must continue to support them. The crazy thing is that The LINK has continued to support them with tons of money and will continue to do so, as long as he will shows receipts and confirms he is spending the money on the children and nothing else. Sadly, he is the only leader of dozens of organizations the LINK works with that carries on with this sense of entitlement. We rarely hear a "thank you."

We said of course we wouldn't forget the others and wanted to add, we'd likely consider adopting other children if he made it simpler. After he concluded I asked the other leader of the orphanage that knows English if Leila understood. Did she hear that I will be her mother? He grinned, looked at Leila and explained to her. She nodded and started crying and turned into me. Of course, I started crying and just held her. It was so terribly hard. She kept crying and clinging, crying and clinging. I kept hugging and kissing her forehead, telling her it was ok. I said to Bruno, can you please tell her it's ok. He did. She nodded and hugged me. They kept saying, we have to go, it's time to go. How do you leave a child? Knowing each day is against her. She's not getting enough to eat, no one is hugging her and saying I love you. I said to Bruno, please tell her; tell her I love her. He did. She cried some more. My heart continued to break. And I had to walk away.