Momma

Such a sweet word. A sweet sound coming out of my babies' lips. No title have I ever worked so hard for and probably no name has ever brought such challenge, frustrations and me saying, "God, what am I supposed to do right now?" Let's be honest. I had a vision of a quiet car ride to go up to Northern VA today, so that I could write, reflect, share some news, etc. I've heard at least 20 "Momma"s in the last 90 seconds. Momma-I have to go potty. Momma-look at that big truck. Momma-when will we get to Grandma's? Momma Momma Momma Momma Momma!!! And so you learn the skill of flexibility and spontaneity and remember that with children, life is an adventure and nothing planned ever goes according to plan. And that is OK because really, we're fooling ourselves if we think we're in control. Anyone ever feel like that?

Today I am reminded that not everyone has a good relationship with their mother, some have lost their mother and some have never been able to be called Momma though they desperately wanted to. Wow am I thankful. My Momma is an amazing woman. And while I see her often because she is so generous to take care of her grandbabies, we don't have a lot of time to talk. At least time that isn't filled with "Nonnie, Momma, Nonnie, Momma." So, I love our tradition of spending the day before Mother's Day together. Yards sales, pedicures and a big lunch were on the agenda, and we had a great time fulfilling it yesterday. I know I am blessed.

I look back at my babies in the back of the truck. They are now sleeping. Peace. All is well. And I am blessed. My kids test me, but they are learning. They are figuring out this wild story I have brought them into. When they want nothing more than a moment to read a book or get a kiss or just be held, I am reminded I can't get this moment back. I can't get this time back. God has chosen me to lead, guide and love these beautiful, precious babies. With that perspective, all I can think is, "What an honor. What a privilege." 

But there is laundry overflowing, work not done, weeding to be done, a thank you note waiting to be sent and dog hair on the floor. Why do these dogs shed so much?! (I think I ask that at least once a day.) And thus the reason I can't even look at Pinterest to learn the 25 things to prep your child for kindergarten or how to make hairbows to coordinate with each outfit. If only! And so it is that not every moment is a peaceful one or one where I can sit and color, and I tell myself it's ok because they're learning independence and how to play with each other. And without the crazy hard moments, I probably wouldn't appreciate the sweet ones so much.

And really, my "Mommy guilt" would feel all-consuming if not for the grace of God. Some days all I can do is pray and thank God for the craziness. Though at times I am merely crying out because I'm desperate, I am reminded through it that I am blessed. Because really, we are so blessed. So fortunate.  And at the end of the day, my kids don't care about a clean house. They care about time with me. Intentional moments of love. And silliness. Boy do they love when Momma gets silly.

So, here's to making meaningful moments. Each moment creating a childhood for these little ones that we are privileged to love. Make the most of it. 

Happy Mother's Day.

P.S. That news I have to share will have to wait, and it should because it deserves a post all on it's own...