A Baby Changes Everything

I have been hesitant to write about this because it feels a bit like airing out our dirty laundry, but in fact, I just want to share about life and struggles that we've had I think others can relate to. I think sometimes we don't talk about our struggles enough because we're worried (particularly type A folks like me) about not being perceived as if we have it all together. But we're real people with real issues and challenges and when we talk about them I think we allow ourselves the opportunity to connect with others in deeper ways. And isn't that what life's about?

Let me first start by saying that having Mary-Michael has been an unimaginably amazing experience so far. I can't believe how much I love her and want to make everything right in this world for her. When people find out your pregnant they tell you about the joys and deep love you'll feel (they are totally right!), and I think some people have the perception that having a baby with someone will draw you closer and make your relationship better. I think in some ways they are probably right, but it seems to me that people rarely talk about how growing a family can be a true challenge to your marriage.

When I look back on the last 4.5 years of our marriage there is no doubt that the last 6 weeks have been the hardest for us. When we built our house people told us it would either tear us apart or bring us together. While we had our moments of insanity it was a very positive experience for us overall. I don't know what we could have done to prepare for the impact of a new baby. I believe we have a very strong marriage based on a deep friendship and true respect for one another. But in these last several weeks we have seen the worst in each other. Think about it - you're sleep deprived, the woman's hormones are all over the place, you are now responsible for another human being 24/7, intimacy is on hold and the day is filled with moments where you feel inadequately prepared for the task of being a parent. These feelings lead to frustration and guilt, which are often taken out on those closest to you...your spouse.

I know that my husband has been more patient than ever with me, and for that I am so grateful. Each day is getting easier and we are slowly creating a new "normal," but I want those of you who think having a baby will make your relationship stronger to know it can also be difficult and for those who have a baby who are going through this or have gone through this to know you're not alone. And if your relationship was rosy and fabulous right after you gave birth please don't come tell me (at least not for a few more months)!

After attending a women's dinner tonight, I was reminded that we all fall short. So, instead of trying to be superwoman like the one in Proverbs 31, I am now going to aim to do half of what she completed in a day within a one week period. That's fair, right? I'm not perfect and will never be, but thankfully, I serve a perfect God I can rely on to guide us through this journey were on. Without Him I'd surely be a hot mess.