Halfway to Sixteen

My dearest Mary-Michael,

You are so much like me. I can see how in the future we are going to be very dear friends (at least that is one of my greatest hopes!). But for now, I must remain momma alone as there is still much for me to teach you. 

You are an incredible young lady with many friends and many types of friends. You can usually find something good in everyone, even the kids that aren't often chosen first. I love that about you. When I eat lunch with you at school, I can see how everyone enjoys your company and has stories to share about moments with you. School is your place. You love it, and you love your teacher, Mrs. Freeman. Kids cry on the last day of school and beg her to fail them, so they can stay with her. She's that well loved, and she's also just that good of an educator. She has pushed you this year and been a great cheerleader for you to be accepted into the gifted and talented program. You are reading and comprehending at a 5th grade level, and I sometimes have to fuss at you for reading too much (usually it's just because you're supposed to be doing something else). You're mastering multiplication and division, and this week I'll get to hear you give a presentation on Andy Warhol (that ought to be interesting). 

You continue to master the almost 300 questions and answers for Junior Bible Quiz (JBQ), and you will be headed to districts in Northern VA in 2 weeks. You are not super competitive (like me), which means you aren't quick to buzz in even though you know your stuff. Oh well, I'm ultimately thankful for the truth of God's Word that you're putting in your mind and heart.

You enjoyed playing basketball this winter with Daddy as your coach and Frazier as your teammate, along with 2 other kids from your class at school. You actually played pretty well for your first year...though we didn't win a single game. It was a learning year, that's for sure. 

If there was an award for "Most Likely to Spill" or "Most Unaware of Messes Left Behind", you would win. Your brain thinks about a lot of things, but cleanliness is not one of them. Yet another opportunity for me to practice patience and gentleness - neither of which come naturally to me. 

When it comes to incentives, you are motivated by sugar. Sugary drinks, sugary treats, candy loaded with sugar. That is your ticket. Too bad you got a mom that puts a lot of limits on those things!

Your clothing style these days is pretty normal and feminine. You don't yet care about boys (thank you, Jesus), but you do like to have your hair done certain ways. You are very curious about Leila's bras and teenage paraphernalia, so we've had a lot of those "grown-up" conversations earlier than I thought.  

You have graciously accepted your forced role as a middle child, but those first born tendencies still reign, and I'm so glad for that (most of the time). You are a leader among your siblings and have to balance playing with both your older sister and younger brother who naturally gravitate to you first. It isn't easy. Thank you for trying your best. 

I love your tenacity, your silliness, your love of dance parties and games and the way you still like to snuggle with me and have your back scratched. You love to have your hand on me or your arms wrapped around me in some way, and I love how affectionate you are. I love you forever and for always, and I’m so thankful God allowed me to be your momma. There are great things ahead for you, my love!

Momma

Welcome Baby Benaiah!

You were born the morning of Friday, February 16, 2018 to a lovely, brave young woman we will call Auntie O. You arrived at Henrico Doctors Hospital in an ambulance around 530 in the morning. At 9:50 AM you entered this world. Auntie knew before she arrived she was going to give you a better chance in life and place you for adoption, but at the time of your arrival she didn’t yet know the plan, but God did. She met with our social worker (who completed our home studies) from Jewish Family Services (JFS) a few hours after your birth. After reviewing dozens of families, Auntie O. continued to return to our family. She made her choice and hoped we would say yes. She didn’t have a Plan B option or a runner-up family, which we didn’t know until later. I’m so glad we listened to God and said yes to you!

And we don’t know why Auntie O. chose to go to JFS when there are so many adoption agencies in the area, but we trust it was God that led her to do that because otherwise, she would have never known about us.

We first found out about you on your birthday (2/16) around 2 PM when we received a call from two of the social workers at JFS. I was shocked to say the least that we had been chosen and that we now had an opportunity to have a baby boy join our family. We never thought we’d have that opportunity because it’s very rare when planning for a private adoption. After a few hours of talking with Daddy, praying and waiting to hear from the Lord, we called them back and said yes, please let him be ours!

That Friday evening, your daddy worked really hard to find out what to do next. A Friday night is not an easy time to get in touch with lawyers and other adoption staff that we needed to help make a plan. But he did it, all while your mama was at a concert with some girlfriends that had already been planned. That concert was a praise and worship Christian concert with bands like Bethel music, Natalie Grant, Matthew West and Zach Williams. All night while praising God, I thought about you and what it would be like to have you join our family. I cried a lot with gratitude that God would give us this opportunity and privilege.

We didn’t sleep a lot that night thinking about what might lie ahead in the next 24 hours. We were still waiting for our next steps. On Saturday morning, around 7:38 AM, we received an email telling us that we should be at the hospital by 9 AM to meet you and meet Auntie O. We raced around like crazy people getting ready and making sure your brother and sisters were taken care of. Uncle Momo (Matt S.) came over to be with them until Nonnie arrived to take Frazier and Mary-Michael to their basketball game.

When we arrived at the hospital, they put us in a family waiting room, and we waited for what seemed like hours. I think it was only 20 minutes, but we were nervous but peaceful at the same time because we knew God had told us YES.

When we walked into your hospital room, I grabbed onto Auntie O.’s hand and placed it in between my own. We greeted each other quietly understanding the gravity of that moment. Auntie O. handed you to me, and I took one look and thought, this is a beautiful, precious baby. We spent the next several hours talking with Auntie about who we were, who she was and what her hopes were for you. There were staff coming in and out to check you, check her and help us get through the paperwork that was the beginning of the adoption. I told Auntie that she was so brave, and she began to cry which made me cry. It was a very emotional day, and we could see that your birth momma loved you so much, and she was making this decision out of that love for you.

Around lunchtime, we said goodbye to Auntie O. so that she could spend a few more moments with you and then be discharged from the hospital. Your daddy and I went to our favorite fast food place, Chick-fil-A, to get some lunch and wait. There we tried to absorb all the events of the day. We made phone calls to family and close friends who began to help plan your arrival so that you would be taken care of like we had planned for you for nine months. And boy did they take care of us and you!

We headed back to the hospital around 1:30pm, and daddy dropped me off so he could go pick up your brother and sisters and bring them to meet you. Your Auntie was still with you and waiting to be discharged, so I spent about two hours in the waiting room watching every person that walked by to see if they were bringing you to me.

Daddy returned with your siblings and we waited a little bit longer until they finally brought you to us. Everyone wanted to hold you immediately, and soon your Uncle Zach and Aunt Christina arrived bringing gifts and excitement for our tiny new family member.

We all enjoyed about four hours together holding you and eating dinner from or dear friends who blessed us with more Chick-fil-A for dinner! I was given a courtesy hospital room to stay with you that Saturday night and by 730, everyone had left and it was just you and me. We had such a sweet time together and I held you most of the night. I still couldn’t believe that you were mine. The number of congratulations and well wishes we received was overwhelming. You were being welcomed into a huge family and community, and you didn’t even know it yet.

On Sunday morning around 6:50 AM, my dear friend Mrs. Kelly brought your mama breakfast from McDonald’s and some snacks. Though we hadn’t slept much that night, a few cups of coffee and a yummy breakfast got me going as I anxiously awaited our discharge, so that I could bring you home. We were discharged around lunchtime with a healthy report from the pediatrician. Your daddy and Mary-Michael came to pick us up. We were all so excited!

When we arrived home the house was full of baby stuff – more than I ever expected. Our church family rallied around us in 24 hours, and gave us every single thing we needed from a brand new crib to formula and diapers to clothes and baby meds. Even after 3 weeks we have only bought 1 bottle. Wow! Plus we have 6 weeks of meals coming from dozens of different people, which might be the best gift of all for this weary momma.

The Young family and your Nonnie and Grandad helped me sort and get organized, so that we would be ready for you. Everyone was so excited to meet you. Later that day, the Lighty family, the Senters family and Poppy and Mimi came over to see you. You continued to be so good, quiet and a beautiful baby. Our little shining star.

Your first few weeks have been filled with visitors and lots of snuggling. You continue to eat well and regularly every 3 to 4 hours. You only fuss when a cold wipe touches your skin or you really need to burp. You are such a good baby, and I can’t believe how fast we’ve fallen in love with you.

On March 1, we went to the Henrico Juvenile Courts where your adoption was made official. We met Auntie O. there and shared how you were doing. Throughout the days leading up to that and even after the court hearing, she’s continued to check in on you and ask for pictures. She really cares for you, and we feel very blessed that this will be an open adoption. She is a wonderful young woman that made an amazing decision to carry you and give you life. We will always be so thankful for that choice. We look forward to visiting with her 2 times a year and sharing updates and pictures about how you’re doing.

Benaiah Michael - Your story touched so many lives, and we love you immensely. We can’t wait to see how God’s story and plan for you continues to unfold.

A Teenager in the Home - What?!

My beautiful young lady, 

How did I get a teenager in the home? Wow, these last few years have flown by, and you have grown from a timid, little girl into a blossoming young lady. 

You are bursting to do all things grown-up but still such a little girl as you continue to discover America, being in a family and being a student. One moment you are playing with your dolls and the next you are asking how long you have to wait before you get a cell phone (never, by the way). 

You continue to love all things crafts and coloring. Currently, you are slightly obsessed with making rubber band bracelets, and they continue to pile on up your arm. You are hoping to make a sleeve, you told me. You love the detailed coloring books and carry your pencils and books around everywhere. You are very detail-oriented, and you are very gifted with your hands. 

Other favorite things you enjoy doing are painting your nails, braiding my hair or your doll's hair and looking at any screen that is on (TV, computer, etc.). Sadly for you, God gave you a mother who has screen phobia and would prefer you play outside and use your mind. I know, I am so old-fashioned. So, Friday night movie night is definitely one of your weekly highlights. And anytime you can visit one of your grandparents or relatives. 

While you are still my pickiest child with food, you have come so far. You are quick to tell me when something is not your favorite but you are really good about eating it any way without too much fuss. You are still completely into spicy things, especially your Niger spice that Daddy brought home from his last trip. And thank goodness, you are starting to like chocolate! We also enjoy drinking tea together as long as you have plenty of sugar. 

This past year, we made a real attempt to start talking with you about hard things like sex and the dangers of pornography (we always had tea while doing this!). You have finally stopped putting your fingers in your ears and are only making faces of disgust now. It is very hard not to laugh, but we always want to have open conversation about some of these hard things. 

You are so well-liked in your 4th grade class and are friends with everyone. You are quick to call someone out when they are being unkind, and I love that. Though school continues to be a struggle, you have a great teacher and principal who are focused on accommodating your needs and pushing you as much as possible. 

You continue to be queen at Monopoly Deal, and I can always count on your to do a great job when helping me around the house. You are thorough and a hard worker when you are in the right mindset. I am proud to be your mother, and we are so thankful for all the ways you have brightened our lives and adjusted our perspective. Through your growing and discovering, we are all growing too!

I love you,
Momma

(The pictures at the skating rink below are from Leila’s 13th birthday celebration at Ashland Skateland. What a fun evening it was!)